That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize