Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
