Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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