I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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