we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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