She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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