i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
COCAINE IS GR8
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
