it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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