it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
