I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
