I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
