I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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