doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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