That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
