So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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