I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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