I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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