Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
