He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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