Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
