If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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