I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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