In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
