I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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