does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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