can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
