So drunk, too bad you don't want this
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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