you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
