I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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