At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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