It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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