So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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