dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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