On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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