Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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