Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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