I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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