Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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