Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
