my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She's JV to your varsity
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
