I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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