I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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