Can i not drive my cunt home
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
