sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
