but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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