I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
