I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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