He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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