Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
