Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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