I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude. I can hear the air.
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