He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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