If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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