Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
