Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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