Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
