Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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