She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
