He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
